“I ran around in circles, think I made myself dizzy.”
Brooklyn, New York. Amsterdam, The Netherlands. Atlanta, Georgia. In the last year, I have lived in three different places. Never feeling stable or secure in my location, I was constantly thinking (read: dreaming) about the next place I wanted to attempt to live in and plant roots. Even after coming back from my Eurotrip, I was plotting on moving to the West Coast after only 15 days of planning. Now my inner therapist would tell me to think about why I have been bouncing around from place to place and why I wasn’t feeling fulfilled when I did. Why was I running around in a circle like a chicken with its head cut off? In my professional counselor voice, “What underlying issues am I avoiding?”
I was just missing direction.
Not knowing what direction I needed to go in threw me into a dramatic frenzy of panicking and searching for something that would get me to the place in my life I dreamed about. The stable and secure place that was filled with accomplishing my goals and dreams. I had a pocket full of ideas and a suitcase full of hope but I had no idea what direction I needed to go in. So what happened? How did I end up going from “nomad” to finding the map to guide me down the “correct” road? I became tired. Running around made me dizzy which made me very tired. I mean TIRED. I like to believe it was God saying “Sit down little girl, Sit still now”. Every idea I had about moving again made me tired. Anytime I got behind a new idea I came up with that had no focus, purpose or direction, I felt like I needed a nap. Not a literal nap but I felt burnt out. I HAD to slow down, sit with myself and figure it out. What did I want out of my time here? How would a move or this idea assist me with my time? What was I doing that was aligned with my purpose? What the hell was my purpose?
Feeling dizzy? Feeling burnt out and tired from running around the same circle? I got you.
Sit down with yourself. Think about what you want to get out of this life that you are living. How do you want to spend your time while you are here? The options are endless but what do you want to accomplish, change, start, end or inspire? What are the things in your life that are stopping you from accomplishing those things? Are you the problem? Is it your environment?* Spend some time thinking about what makes you happy and what will get you to stop your infamous circle run. Put on Solange’s Cranes In The Sky and get into discovering your direction because dizzy is only cute for a second. After that, it’s just tiring.
*We can be our own roadblocks as well as the people around us and environment we embrace.