My Ex Taught Me How To Forgive

30s, Life, Love & Relationships

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I’m not the forgiving type. I’m the “Let’s forget and fake move on” type. The type to not so secretly harbor what you did when I’m up thinking throughout the night. I was told forgiving means letting something go for the betterment of your spirit but misery loves company and I haven’t been ready to to be alone without my burdens from the transgressions from others. How else was I going to blame someone else for my shortcomings if I forgave them? How could I continue to to live life without playing the blame game for previous heartbreaks if I forgave them? Who could I chastise them for unresolved hurt and pain if I had forgiven everyone?

Promises To My 30s

30s, Life

My first six months of my thirties seriously flew past me. Don’t get me wrong, I felt it go past me. Ever since the day I entered the “No Longer Twenty Something Club”, I have been hit with signs that I am older left and right.

Yes, I’m a Woman and Sometimes I’m Wrong: A Reflection

30s, Love & Relationships

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Thirty years. That’s how long it took to me to admit that sometimes I’m wrong. I feel like I gave that up pretty early.

 

I’m not always right. Most of the time I am but there are rare moments when a playa slips up. Predictably, I would fight someone tooth and nail before I admit that I was wrong and probably being dramatic. But lately I’ve been self evaluating and with that comes admittance, ownership and change/growth.

Sometimes I’m loud and wrong.

The Intimacy of a Head Rub

30s, Black Cinema, Love

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He dug his hands into my hair. Past my kinky curls, straight to my roots and rubbed my scalp. And I let him. I regret nothing.

During one of our usual ‘binge watch a new show on Hulu’ nights, I got a dose of a simple but overwhelmingly loving moment of intimacy. I was laying on his stomach when he, while laughing at some ridiculous joke, slipped his hand into my hair and started rubbing my scalp. Before I could protest about the audacity of him putting his hands in a fresh twist out, I was comforted with a moment of bliss. Yes, bliss is the proper way to describe how I both my spirit and overwhelmed mind gradually calmed down.