I have to be honest. It is SO EASY to be an angry and sad woman. Being happy? That takes work.
Someone who will remain forever nameless told me in defense of his wrongdoing, “You can let go of everything that is causing you to be sad and get back to your happy”. While he was trying to explain that me being unhappy about his actions was somehow my fault, he dropped a gem. Even after heartache, loss, etc, I can decide whether I’m going to be happy. Normally I picked sad/unhappy. Why? Happiness is a choice and that choice required work that I wasn’t willing do. Especially when I had “excuses” not to.
He dug his hands into my hair. Past my kinky curls, straight to my roots and rubbed my scalp. And I let him. I regret nothing.
During one of our usual ‘binge watch a new show on Hulu’ nights, I got a dose of a simple but overwhelmingly loving moment of intimacy. I was laying on his stomach when he, while laughing at some ridiculous joke, slipped his hand into my hair and started rubbing my scalp. Before I could protest about the audacity of him putting his hands in a fresh twist out, I was comforted with a moment of bliss. Yes, bliss is the proper way to describe how I both my spirit and overwhelmed mind gradually calmed down.