Yes, I’m a Woman and Sometimes I’m Wrong: A Reflection

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Thirty years. That’s how long it took to me to admit that sometimes I’m wrong. I feel like I gave that up pretty early.

 

I’m not always right. Most of the time I am but there are rare moments when a playa slips up. Predictably, I would fight someone tooth and nail before I admit that I was wrong and probably being dramatic. But lately I’ve been self evaluating and with that comes admittance, ownership and change/growth.

Sometimes I’m loud and wrong. Continue reading

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The Intimacy of a Head Rub

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He dug his hands into my hair. Past my kinky curls, straight to my roots and rubbed my scalp. And I let him. I regret nothing.

During one of our usual ‘binge watch a new show on Hulu’ nights, I got a dose of a simple but overwhelmingly loving moment of intimacy. I was laying on his stomach when he, while laughing at some ridiculous show, slipped his hand into my hair and started rubbing my scalp. Before I could protest about the audacity of him putting his hands in a fresh twist out, I was comforted with a moment of bliss. Yes, bliss is the proper way to describe how I both my spirit and overwhelmed mind gradually calmed down. Continue reading

For The Men That Went Eric Bénet

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“I can’t do this anymore, it’s over”.

“What?” I heard him properly the first time but was still shock from hearing it. My ears burned because of my growing anger and the emotionless phase sent through them. I mean, I was everything he asked for. Every day, I tried to be the perfect girlfriend, the perfect potiental wife but that proved to not be enough. Or maybe it was too much. He rambled on about life and the current state of our relationship but it all went over my head. He was leaving me? For who? What is better? Who is better? What is he thinking? Those and a million other questions were bouncing around in my head while I watched my now ex get his things and leave.

“I’ll mess up a good thing if you let me”.

I sat back like a nosy but confused friend as I watched decent men leave exceptional women (aka my friends). Why didn’t they love themselves? Why were they sending amazing women back in the world? Again, why didn’t they love themselves? Why were they going out of their way to sabotage something that was good? Why did they have everything they desired/asked for yet they let it go? Fear of love, being “young”, not being ready and numerous of other reasons were eventually heard by the women they left with no real reason given. It all boiled down to the fact that they were okay with letting the best women in their lives go.

And that was just fine.

I realized that in order for the best men to enter our lives, those guys had to go Eric Bénet. They had to let go of the best women in their lives because they couldn’t be the best man for her. They needed to move along and out of the way so that the right guy could see her. Be with her. Love her down.

For the guys that went Eric Bénet, thank you playa.